I never understood the force that supported me as I walked into the clinic, waiting to be poked with needles. I mean, for a person who's very needle-phobic and lazy like me...to walk into a hospital, fearlessly drawing up the sleeves...is indeed some shocking achievement.
As I waited on the nurse's bench, panicking and gazing at the floor, I overheard some girls talking. These were 3 nursing students, who anxiously wanted to volunteer at the hospital for sick kids. A girl said she's been doing the TB test for 7 times before she even started volunteering!
Their voice was full of excitement and energy, and it brought shame and guilt on me who was feeling very nervous and slightly regretful for my own undertaking of voluntary working experience.
So why do these people volunteer? What exactly is the reason behind all the smiling faces of volunteers that you see in different places? We all know time is precious, something that no money can buy...so why are people willing to sacrifice their life force for others?
Well, I still remember the girl saying: it's what you get out of it...I guess.
Volunteering is nice, it's simply a nice feeling when you see the kids smiling at you. There's no hidden meaning in their smile, it was just full of gratitude and happiness, that it just makes your day a worthwhile one.
These are very ill but extremely brave kids, some don't even have a home to return to...and volunteers usually don't do much, other than keep them company and talk to them. To the volunteers, that may be a few hours taken away from video games, but to the kids, it may mean a lot more.
I saw some volunteers standing outside of buildings, on a hot day, holding this little printout that says "sick kids", hoping to get some reply from others. Before this day, I paid little attention to them. But right after I got out of the clinic, I stopped and listened to what these awesome people had to say. I appreciated their efforts, very much.
Well, soon enough, I would become a volunteer myself. I have worked in a hospital for over a year in the past, but back then my reason was simply to get the credentials required. It was mandatory. However, right now, I think the real reason for me to volunteer has changed.
I want to help out in whatever ways I can, want to give something back to the society that I'm living in. It's simply a feeling to do the right thing. A very simple reason.
Don't get me wrong, I still think job for pay is great. It's not the money that attracts me. The feeling that you are getting out of there and able to feed yourself, is exhilarating. Although, in this materialistic society, people always seek for some value behind their doings. They ask for reward, any kind of reward to compensate for their actions...volunteering has increasingly diminished values, and this upsets me. Today, I think I understood a little more about myself and it was certainly relieving to see some people with selfless attitudes, and strong belief that they definitely can, make a difference.
I shall learn to change, for good...
My arm still hurts a bit as I am typing these thoughts out. Nonetheless, I'm not regretting anymore, I felt proud that I can still decide for myself. You might want to say, "that's good, at least you are beginning to see things now..."
I suppose that is the case.
Well, I think there will be another round of TB along with x-ray next week. Hopefully after 2 more weeks, I can finally start volunteering. And hopefully, by that time, I will no longer be afraid of anything and act as a true volunteer with a heart for those in need.
Afterall, they need my help, and I am the one giving out what I have to offer. It makes me feel important, and that is always essential, don't you think?
Am (with love)
Am (with love)
